I Have Failed You

God has just revealed something major to me in the wake of what has happened.  I know it is important to share, to not just work it out for myself, but because I know someone will come across this post and need the truth that is found within. So, onto the revelation.

When someone thinks they’ve failed you, but won’t stay around to find out your thoughts, that’s the enemy speaking into their life. Once they speak these words into you life and walk away, the enemy has a way in to kill, steal, and destroy.

Now, this opens the door for the enemy to step right into your life. This is exactly what happened to me. This is what lead to turning back to old ways of coping with hurt and disappointment.  I was dealing with the actions of someone that now seem so uncharacteristic of them. When everything first happened I was so stunned that I had no idea what to do or think. What a perfect chance to attack, especially since I’ve been doing healing work in the area of relationships.

I cried out to Jesus in my innermost pain. I tried to pray but found it to be so hard because of the pain that I was in. I struggled to even open my bible. Yes,the enemy was getting exactly what he wanted. The enemy had used someone else to get to me.  Thankfully I’ve been blessed with some great, safe people that stepped in to pray on my behalf.

Mind you, when this all happened last Sunday, I was coming off a great weekend ladies retreat and a birthday celebration. The enemy wanted to tear me down.  The enemy had found a way in when I had least expected it.

I want to say that I am not judging this person for what they did. I know how unlike myself I am when the enemy has gotten a foothold.  There are times when Satan does try to disguise himself as God to trick us. I’ve had at least one other person confirm that this was out of character.  God has again been clearly speaking to me about this whole thing and that this is not how He would have ended it.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:8-9

This is why I know to be alert. How difficult is it though when we are blindside? While the enemy may have gotten a piece of me, he did not get all of me. Victory goes to God!

 

Picking Up My Mat

The last couple of weeks have been really tough for me.  I’d like to think that this season of my life is coming to an end.  Satan has put up a really good fight, really trying to pull me away from God.  I would like to think that I never gave into the enemy, but I know that I’ve listened to a number of his lies.  The thing is I know what God’s truth is to speak against the lies the enemy so often feeds into my thoughts.

This battle has been part of an intense spiritual warfare.  There have been a couple of nights that if it wasn’t for God’s grace and strength, I would have not made it through in one piece.  I’m thankful that when I am weak, He is strong.  I am thankful that when I need Him, all I have to do is call out His name and He is there.  I can tell Him anything at any time.

Just because I know God’s truths doesn’t mean that I don’t go astray.  The lies Satan wraps around me are lies that I’ve believed for many years.  Some lies are very difficult for me to get away from, and when I’m down, I’m more likely to believe them.  Isn’t that how Satan is though?

Today though, I knew I faced a decision that I had to make.  I remembered the story of Jesus healing the man at the pool.  Jesus makes a very strong command in John 5:8.  He told the man to “Get up!  Pick up your mat and walk.”  At this command, the man got up, picked up his mat, and walked.  A man who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years got up and walked!  While I wasn’t an invalid, I was held down by my emotions and feelings.  They were consuming me.  I knew I had to make the choice of staying on my mat where I was miserable, or I could pick up my mat and walk with Jesus.

I knew the right choice was to pick up my mat and get to walking.  The healing that I know I need during this season isn’t going to happen if I sit and refuse anything and everything coming my way.  God is working; He is bringing people into my path, He has shown me in His Word just what I need when I am willing to open my Bible and read instead of just letting it sit on my desk.  Sitting on my mat and making excuses is not God’s plan, but His plan can’t happen unless I’m focused on Him.

Is there something keeping you on your mat?  Are you ready to pick your mat up and walk?

You Are Not Alone

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written, but I finally felt the push to do so tonight.  There’s so much that I want to write about, that I feel the Lord is putting on me to write, but I haven’t followed through.

Tonight, this is weighing heavy on my heart.  This “I’m not alone” stuff.  This is me being real about my Christian walk.

Do you ever feel completely alone in a crowd, like you’re completely invisible and no one sees that you’re there?  That you’re even standing or sitting next to them?  That you are only “seen” when someone needs something?  That you just don’t matter to the people that you’re around?  I’ve felt that way many times, in all different types of settings.  Groups, get-togethers, fellowship times, and even at church.

This is a lie Satan loves to get hold of and use against me.  Constantly saying “no one cares, no one wants to listen to your problems, you’re just seeking attention, you’ll become a burden” among other things.  I’ve been told by people that I seek attention, that I need to stop self-serving, that I need to do something for others, and that I need to ask them about the things going on in their life and not always talk about myself.  Satan feeds on that and loves it.  It fuels him to use more lies against me.

So what do I do?  I believe I’m on the right path with God, doing things for others, checking to see how others are doing, and doing my best to put myself dead last in my life.  I lose touch with myself until I’m right back in that pit, wrapped in fear for speaking out truth about what’s really going on in my life.  I lie to the very people I love about what’s going on with me.  I wear a mask to hide the puffy eyes from crying, the frown from showing, the sadness from being known.  I don’t reach out for help.  I try to avoid talking about myself when I’m with a friend.  I get angry with myself when I realize that I have been talking about myself.   Isn’t that exactly where Satan wants me to be though?

Simply put, yes.  The enemy has me right where he wants me.  Now he makes me feel like I really am alone, that it’s just me and I have to deal with all of my problems on my own.  There is no one left to turn to-well, except the enemy.

God speaks Truth against each of those lies from Satan.  God promises to never leave you or forsake you.  Galatians 6:2 tells us to “carry each other’s burdens”.  I can’t carry all of my burdens while carrying the burdens of others.  I have to ask for help and it’s okay to do so.  When I’m able to see where I have gotten, He gives me the strength to reach out and will put someone in my path to ask for support.  And how can I help anyone, show anyone love the way Jesus would, if I am spiritually broken?

In all of this though, God recently spoke a very clear blessing to me, one that I had not heard before.  When I’m in those moments of not being able to turn to a person on this earth, it’s okay, because that means I have to put my complete and total faith in God.  God is my Healer, my Counselor, and my Shepherd.  He is what I have, He is all that I need. He has created us not to go through life without human interactions though, so have that in your life.  Fellowship is important!

I know that I’m never really alone.  The Bible clearly states that God will never leave me or forsake me.  God is with me no matter where I am, where I’ve been, where I’m going, what I’m doing, what I’ve done, what I will be doing.  God is there!  What a blessing that is, that He is there when I need Him.  I need something, God is there to ask, and to answer my need-of course, in the way He sees fit and of course in His timing.  God reminds me of the good I’ve done for people, the ways that I’ve given myself to help them, unselfishly.  God brings the truth, the light, into the darkness that has me surrounded.

Remember, you are not alone.  God is with you, ALWAYS.  Listen to the song “You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews.  It’s my favorite song of hers, and one that I have put on repeat for a good hour or more.